Am I Fat or Am I Thin?

I'm no top model, that's for sure. And of course I could afford to lose some weight, but, the question is, am I actually fat or normal?

Here's some background on me. I used to obsess over weight in my teen years. I did all the fad diets including starvation (I really don't recommend that). I became obsessed when I was young. I remember exactly when my perspective on weight started. I was in the 7th grade, I was very active, had an extremely fast metabolism, loved to go swimming. One day, I was eating ice cream (my sister and I used to see who could make the biggest ice cream cone on the weekends) when my then step-mother said to me I shouldn't eat the ice cream cone I had just finished making. I asked her why and she said 'because it'll make you fat. You may be able to eat that now, but when you grow up, your metabolism will slow down and it'll make you fat.' Ever since then, I started looking at myself. I started thinking I was fat and I stopped going to the pool and doing all those activities.

Yeah I've gained and lost weight throughout the years. I'm not the skinniest I've been in my life, however, I have lost weight since the academy. But, the question is, am I fat or am I thin? I've been told both by different people.

What is my opinion? I think I'm curvy. I'm 5'7" and have big boobs, a big butt and thighs. My younger sister is about 5'5" or 5'6" and has small boobs, skinny legs, no butt and wears a size 0. Some days I would find myself comparing myself to my sister and think that I were fat and then some other days I would find myself realizing that I looked great. In all honesty, I'm grateful I'm not extremely skinny, because I think if I were smaller I would be less intimidating, especially with my career. But, at the same time, there are days when I want to be skinny because that's what's "in". It's scary, and dangerous, the pressures put on women of all ages to be skinny. It's also sad that men see women like Tyra Banks or Angelina Jolie, and expect all women to look that way. It's just not reality. And it starts to get to a woman because of course they'd love to look like that...

My obsession isn't about being skinny anymore. It's not about starving myself or doing the Atkins diet or whatever diet is in at the time. It's not about seeing the inches around my waist disappear or how flat my stomach looks today. It's about being healthy. I try to eat healthy (I have my good and bad days with this, and really I start eating worse when I get low on money, like now). I like to exercise. My goals aren't how many pounds I can lose, it's the distance I can run, or the number of pounds I can bench press, or the amount of sit ups I can do in a minute. Now that my schedule is a little more set, I can make it a habit of exercising daily. Like last night, I ran 2 miles. I thought today I would be sore, but I'm fine. Tonight I'm going to a friends house to play tennis, then I'll probably go running afterwards.

So, in conclusion, here is some advice to anybody who stumbled across this post, from a person who used to be obsessed with losing weight.

IT IS NOT ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU WEIGH, IT IS ABOUT HOW HEALTHY YOU ARE. EAT RIGHT, EXERCISE, AND FORGET ABOUT THE READING OF THE SCALE!

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