It really sucks...

When you're drivin down the road, talkin with FTO, and all of a sudden you get the cramps. All the ladies know what cramps I'm talkin about. The 'Oh shit!' cramps. Not only are they painful, it's an indicator to get to the bathroom immediately. So, here I am driving almost code (lol) to the nearest firestation, where I have access to a one person bathroom. FTO is lookin at me like I'm crazy because we were just eating our dinner in a restaurant type place that had a bathroom. But you can't plan these things. So here I am, driving fast, and FTO points out the nearest firestation. I get there and DUN DUN DUN...

I started my period. :(

That explains my emotional state today. I was in report writing with FTO (who was reviewing my report- refer to previous post of his picture. That's what it looked like.) at the beginning of the shift. I almost cried because I felt that it sucked. I seriously almost cried. What the hell?

Today was one of those emotional days with FTO again... One of those personal-conversation days. We were sitting in a parking lot talking about our rape victim yesterday. I didn't run her (by "run her" I mean records check for warrants, etc.). I was advised from an ex-cop to never run a rape victim because if they come back with warrants....That could be bad. Well, FTO wasn't so happy that I didn't run her. I explained to him why I felt as though I shouldn't run rape victims and we got in to one of our debates.

Basically he tells me I should run everybody, and if the rape victim came back with a warrant, to call the shift supervisor to make the decision to arrest or not. He has a point, but at the same time, I was trying to explain to him that I just don't think I could do it if the shift supervisor decided to arrest. I wouldn't feel right. I would feel absolutely terrible.

We then started talking more and more about rape victims and situations and I started to get upset with him. He's not the most sensitive guy to rape victims (maybe to the rape victim's face but not when discussing them). Finally I said 'Look, I've been there before and if I was arrested for a stupid ass traffic warrant when I had just been raped, I would never trust the police. I would never call them again. I would despise them and I would never have decided to be a cop.' FTO looked at me for a moment. He then goes, 'Are you ok? Is there something that happened to you?'. I responded by saying 'I was molested all my life as a child' and kind of left it at that for a moment. He looked at me and our argument stopped. I drove out onto the road.

Later on, I tell him. About the teacher (only the teacher one). About what happened. He asked a little bit about the specifics, and I told him the little I knew. To be honest, I can't remember a lot of what happened. I just remember how I felt, I remember bits and pieces.

I don't regret telling him. I've noticed that with this specific FTO, I find myself telling him a lot. He told me that this is 'my story' and I can share it with whoever I want, and he wouldn't tell anybody else what I told him. I trust him. I've really come to trust this man. And even though he didn't talk much while I gave my story, it was nice to tell somebody to their face. Not just on here, you know? He asked some questions about how the police handled it or whatever. He gave me advice on how to obtain the police report (probably through my own agency that is bound to have a copy). That's all I needed for him to do. I didn't need him giving me advice about something that happened to me 7 or 8 years ago. I don't need him telling me I need to get help. He listened and I liked that.

So. That probably all got initiated because of my damn period. Today was a good day. Tomorrow is my last day of Phase 4. I will talk more about that tomorrow. I will have all the time in the world to write a post tomorrow because I work from 12:30pm (training) til about 11pm (if I don't get an arrest) and I have to stay up til 7am so I can sleep all day tomorrow to start work at 11pm. Transferring to the midnight shift isn't the easiest thing to do. So, expect a couple posts tomorrow. I'll try and make them fun by adding pictures. :)

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