The advice my FTO left me with tonight. Today wasn't a good day. My performance sucked. I don't really have an excuse as to why it sucked because I felt like I was trying really hard. Yeah, maybe I'm distracted by the issues going on in my personal life, but that isn't an excuse. Not in my book. I should be able to separate that from work. And yeah, in the real world, trying really hard and having personal issues that effect them doesn't mean anything if the performance lacks. So, my DOR wasn't great today and I knew it wouldn't be. I'm pretty down. Frusterated, pissed at myself, upset... yeah that's an accurate representation of how I'm feeling. I probably shouldn't be so down on myself but unfortunately that's my personality.
So, my FTO advised me to get some sleep and a good meal. The good meal comment came from my eating habits for the past few days I've been with him. The first couple days I was with him I didn't eat at all (partly because I was sick and couldn't swallow anything). The third day I had one of those burritos from Taco Bell. Just a quick, cheap burrito, nothing else. Then today I had just a poptart. He flipped out when he found out the poptart was my dinner, and not a snack. Then he lectured me on how there's just no way I could only eat a poptart for dinner. Well, truth is, I don't have much money. I don't have groceries and the poptart was 50 cents.
I went to work yesterday and found a voice message from Julia's bitch-ass fiance (excuse the language). He basically was going off on me for sending the cops to his house, and again blaming me for Julia's mental stability. He claimed I was hurting her even more by trying to hurt him. A bunch of bullshit if you ask me. That last comment made me laugh, because since being in the hospital, she hasn't once mentioned him. She doesn't need him. She needs her family and friends that love her. Not somebody who ultimately hurt her and will continue to hurt her.
The last update I had on Julia is she's refusing to take her medication and refusing to talk to the psychiatrist. This obviously poses an issue. I think the hospital was giving her until the end of today to cooperate, otherwise she will be involuntarily committed to a longer term facility. I haven't had an update today on whether or not she cooperated, but I pray she did. I will have to remember to call her mom tomorrow. *sigh* I just want her out of there and better. I hate not having my best friend...
So anyway. I have a lot of things I need to get done tomorrow. Such as grocery shopping (for some things, such as dog food. Apparently the dog has first priority with food lol), and cleaning/laundry. My apartment is filthy and I hate a dirty apartment. Hopefully I can wake up by noon (sounds late, but that'll give me a good 8 hours of sleep. realize this is being posted at around 330am) and get it all done. *crosses fingers*
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3 comments:
Sounds as though you are literally running on empty. But your FTO is right; you need a good meal and some rest. You push yourself so hard, my friend....too hard. Proper nutrition is a must so that you can keep focused and on your game.
I hope Julia complies, and then once she's out of the hospital, leaves her scumbag boyfriend.
It's just one bad day. BFD, girl, that's why you're in training! You will learn from your mistakes. Can you pack a lunch like PB&J? Do you like power bars? I hope you sleep for a nice long time. After you are recharged you will see things differently. Think positive, I believe you will make a terrific cop, you have so many good qualities!
i have to say i agree w/ your fto;) and, you can get some decent food for cheap, just be careful about it:0)
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