This entry is more on the personal side, the sex-life side, so if you get all embarassed about that sort of thing, don't read the entry.
My ex-boyfriend (of a couple years ago) just left my apartment probably about 20 minutes ago. He was someone I had been in love with (at least I thought I was in love with). We remained friends. He's a good guy, an attractive guy. He's 23 years old, 6'2", short brown hair and blue/green eyes. He has the prettiest eyes I've ever seen. He's easy to talk to, funny, nice, works hard when he wants to. He definitely has issues that I won't go in to, but they keep me from ever wanting to be with him again. I know I don't love him anymore, at least not in that way. I care about him of course, and I know I always will. But not love. I think that even if he didn't have the issues he has, I still wouldn't be with him. He just doesn't fit my needs.
Anyway. We had sex. "Booty call" as it is often termed for us young folks. And you know what? I just don't get it. I don't get how people my age have these booty calls and completely enjoy themselves. I didn't enjoy it at all. Maybe for a second or two at one point, but I just could not get in to it. I don't know. I had worked all day today, and it was a long day of storming and reports, so when I got home I was already exhausted. I didn't even really want to have sex to begin with, but I did anyway. I figured I hadn't had it in awhile and I could probably use it. It did nothing for me.
So, I'm laying here thinking, how do all these people have booty calls and enjoy it? Why can't I just enjoy it? I try to relax and enjoy myself, but I can't. Then I wonder if something's wrong with me. I didnt orgasm (see, I told you it was personal) and I never do. I don't think I've ever had an orgasm from sex. I'd rather just do it myself it seems.
Again, maybe I just need to be in an intimate, serious relationship before I can truly enjoy sex. I mean, that's what I want. It just sucks waiting. I'm such an impatient person and I truly think it's a flaw in my personality. I just think, well hey, I'm young. I'm 21 years old. Why not have sex while I'm waiting for that guy? I probably have the completely wrong mindset, but it's like I just don't even know anymore. I'm unsatisified. Damnit.
Anyway, it is late and I should probably go to bed. I have another long day tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day... I don't get another day off for 9 days, so, it's going to be a long couple weeks.
X moralizedxcriminal X
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Some Of My Songs...
RSS Feed (xml)
3 comments:
Yeah I don't get that "friends w/ benefits" thing either. I could never do it. And, like you, I am extremely impatient. But it will happen for you, in time and with patience.
You've matured a lot over the short years of your young life and that's why it didn't feel right. It will happen for you. I was impatient at your age too. Hold out for a quality man. (hey you were lonely, so don't feel bad about the booty call thing) When you find THE guy, orgasms will be plentiful.
Don't settle. Ever!
I'd like to add you to my blogroll, if it's ok with you.
thank you both for the advice. i'll try and be more patient... it tends not to work out real well but i'll try!
claire- yes you can link me with your blog. jojo has linked me to hers as 'Moralized Criminal', which i prefer that as opposed to anything connecting me with previous blogs. :)
Post a Comment