Stayin Up

It's close to 4am and I'm still up. I'm honestly amazed. I think I might be able to make it until 7am. But, I must thank the coffee. That simple drink has helped me tons.

I finished Phase II today. I'm relieved and nervous to move onto Phase III. Because, soon after, I'll be in Phase IV and then Phase V and then I'm on my own. I'm becoming more comfortable handling calls and doing the reports. I don't struggle with that aspect. What I struggle with most is geography and radio traffic. But, mainly geography. It's one of the hardest and most important aspects of this job. Unfortunately, the area I work in isn't the easiest area to learn, but, I gotta learn it. I will learn it.

I feel like I should be doing something else in my life. Like, I'm missing something. I think since moving here to KC, I've been pretty lonely... I have friends in KC, but, not like I did back in Lawrence. Back in Lawrence, I had family and friends. People I could call up and just go visit. People I can just go to the pool with or the lake with or downtown. Here, I have friends who aren't that available. Sometimes we'll go out on the weekends, sometimes we won't. I come home to an empty apartment, except for my animals, daily. But, even with animals, it's still kind of lonely.

I think I'm tired of being single too. I enjoy the single life to a certain extent. I love being able to do my own thing and not answer to anybody. But, as you can imagine, it's lonely. That word seems to be appearing more and more throughout this entry. It's true though. And it seems that every guy who asks me out wants just sex or they're so not what I'm looking for. I mean, where are those guys who actually want to get to know you and have a relationship? That's what I want. I don't want just sex, I want a true relationship that could maybe possibly turn into a lifelong partnership. Is that so much to ask? Sometimes I think my standards are too high. But, I know I can't lower my standards because I just won't be happy.

So what is it that I want in a man?

Well, I want a man. Not a boy or a guy. I want somebody who can hold a conversation, who can hold an intellectual conversation and be genuine about it. Somebody with a sense of humor, who's faithful, who's honest and made of integrity. Someone who can handle my career and doesn't let me dominate the relationship. I have a very dominant personality and I just want someone who can handle that and handle me. Some women like dominating men and being the one who "wears the pants" in the relationship. Definitely not me. I don't like sissy men.

Physically, I just want a guy who's taller than me, who I'm attracted to. I can't narrow down attraction to certain traits, because I've found myself liking a variety of things. It comes down to the person. Blonde hair, brown hair, blue eyes, green eyes, brown eyes, none of that really matters.

A christian. Someone who is truly a man of God and can take the journey with me.

That's it. It's a lot and I haven't found that guy. Well, I've found a couple men that fit those standards, they just happen to be married. Oh and another standard is he must be not married.

Anyway, I think I'm going to head on out of here and watch the movies I've rented/bought. I'm almost done with 'In Her Shoes' with Cameron Diaz. A very good movie and I recommend it. I bought Untraceable and The Mist today. They both look good and the clerk at Wal-Mart told me they were so, I guess I'll find out. :)

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